The Blog

Where do you take refuge?
February 27, 2017

Do you remember the first time you told someone the truth and got punished for it? I do. It was a gift, actually. I learned to be mighty selective about who I confided in from then on. And I learned to pay attention to what made me feel better on really bad days, namely plenty of sleep and lots of exercise.

It’s tempting to think you can “think” your way out of a problem, when the more pragmatic thing might be a nap or a hard workout. Or both.

“Difficult people strengthen your ability to choose love.” I can’t remember where I heard that, but it’s easier to remember when I’ve had enough sleep!

Who sees your potential?
February 26, 2017

KBNPOnce upon a time my radio work consisted of The Career Clinic vignette, and that was it. It was a fine little program, and it left lots of time to write books and be a good mom.

Then one day the general manager at our affiliate in Portland told Darrell and me if we ever did a talk show based on The Career Clinic, he’d pick it up. So we did, and he did.

The rest is history. Well, sort of. But a lot of fun? Most definitely. And we have Keith Lyons and Sam Moskovic to thank for it.

I could have a thousand affiliates and never get quite the same thrill of adding that second one. Just as Katie made Darrell and me a family, KBNP made what became Doing What Works a national talk show.

Go ahead. Make the leap. If you’re lucky, you’ll have friends like Sam and Keith reassuring you it was the right thing to do.

Once upon a time I read about a celebrity who took a break from talking once a week. Yeah. No talking. For twenty-four hours.

It sounds soothing.

It’s been soothing. I’ve been experimenting with talking much, much less ever since realizing -- after recording another couple of hours of the show -- how exhausting it is. I’m not much into small talk, and the alternative is taxing.

I mean, it’s great. But it’s taxing, too. Conversation is my canvas, and sometimes it’s nice to put the brushes down and give it a rest.

Funny thing about keeping your mouth shut. You can hear the sound of your own thoughts.

It’s been interesting!

What will define you?
February 24, 2017

“You don’t know what pain is,” Jay Coughlan told me on the show recently, “until you hear something like that.” Which was? “When your mom leans over your hospital bed and says, ‘Your dad didn’t make it.’”

Dad was a passenger in the car Jay was driving after both gentlemen had too much to drink. It’s your worst nightmare, isn’t it?

They say you don’t know how you’d feel if something like that happened to you, but they’re wrong. I know how I’d feel. I’d feel like I didn’t deserve to live.

Jay could relate at first. Then he decided he didn’t want to be defined by his worst moment. That’s what drives him now, the thought he can keep someone from a similar fate -- or help them through it if they share that fate.

“Go for a run,” an executive once suggested before I became the maniac about running I am now. “There’s no problem you have that won’t seem a little less of a problem for having done that.”

He was right. Running is magic. I mean, I hate it -- and it’s magic. It’s a hassle, for one thing -- in the winter, anyway. But the day rarely takes a turn for the worse once we’ve gotten back from a run.

The same with writing. I almost forgot to eat dinner the other night, I was so absorbed in committing a few thoughts to paper (read: this screen). I’ve interviewed a lot of high-functioning people on the talk show, and you might not believe how many of them credit a journal for their sanity. One person says he writes to empty himself out. That’s it! That’s what it’s like.

“You can’t write if you can’t think,” one of my high school writing teachers said. I think there was probably a better way to say that! How about this? “Writing helps you think clearly.” Writing something down not only helps you process what you’re thinking, but it frees up brain space for other things. Like what’s for dinner!

I can see it as if it’s happening right now. Katie falling backwards across a couple of airplane seats, the weight of her luggage keeping her from getting up and off the plane. The energy it took to stand up was almost beyond her, her bags were that unwieldy.

It was like trying to back a car out of the mud, or the snow, or the mud and the snow. That’s how Katie extracted herself, eventually. She started rocking back and forth a little until she had momentum. Can you imagine how much fun that was to watch? It was a giggle fit in the middle of an otherwise ordinary deboarding.

You need those, don’t you? A break once in a while to savor the silly.

keyboard for the blogDarrell took the vacuum to my keyboard the other night before I’d logged off the computer. Suddenly the search bar appeared on my screen to let us know a thirty-character string of nonsense could not be found. Maybe you had to be there, but we found that hilarious. Especially when we realized Darrell was right: “No, the real problem would’ve been if it was found.”

I savored the silly more than usual this time as I thought about how it isn’t just the office that needs attention. Every other boring, soul-crushing, have-to-do-it-but-don’t-have-to-like-it chore is crowding out the time I need to do work that actually matters.

Guess it’s good I can’t wait to get back to it, eh?

It isn’t easy to watch people hurt, but you can make it worse. You can decide how quickly they should get over it, assuming it’s okay with you they’re hurting at all.

Tears aren’t a sign it’s time to go into battle. They’re not even a sign anything needs fixing, necessarily. But they’ll tell you a whole lot about the company you keep.

Do you have lucky charms?
February 20, 2017

“Creative people like to see their things.”

That little gem from Barbara Sher is the sweetest echo as I go about my day. Because I not only like to see my things, I like them arranged in a way the folks at House Beautiful would have difficulty improving. It isn’t called House Barely-Passable, after all.

Health and beauty. Simplicity and elegance. It isn’t a character flaw to love what you love the way that you love it. If you can look up from your screen and not be depressed? No harm in that!

I recently added a photo of barely-born Katie to the photographs on my desk, and you might not believe the happiness hit it gives all three of us. There’s something about the expression on her face, the smile -- yep, she’s smiling -- that’s laced with mischief. One day on the planet and she’s giving us a look like, “You people. You have no idea what you’re in for!”

We didn’t. And I don’t know if we’ll ever recover from the fun of the unfolding, from the privilege of having a front-row seat to her show.

To look up from this screen dozens of times a day and see a reminder of it? That was a really good move.

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